It's ok to not be ok, and say so.
It has taken me a few ‘episodes and dark times to understand and know the warning signs of when my mental well-being has been compromised, the trigger points and patterns. Knowing my limits, boundaries, what my self-care encompasses, safety zones, and the people to whom I can talk.
Working from home for a prolonged period is going to, at some point, remind us that it is not glamourous and will test our mental and physical agility.
Last week was a false start for me from the get-go, I had not slept properly and slowly started to lose focus, concentration, and unimportant things annoyed or upset me.
Normally a ‘bad’ day is marked down to exactly that, but by day three, I was in it, the downward spiral, the walls closing in, the hands round the throat, the questions, the doubts, the sick-to-the-pit-of-your-stomach feeling, anxiety, and pain. It was a dark place to be in, and I knew I was there, and I knew it was time to step back and stop what I was trying to do. Work through it.
I decided on the morning of day four to take time out and not beat myself up over it, subconsciously done enough of that by allowing the downward spiral for 3 days. Day 5 was odd, I am ok, I am not ok, I had energy, then I felt tired and still could not sleep.
Day 6 was the start of recovery and healing, the latter feelings had eased, and self-worth returned, albeit anxiety reminded me ‘you’re not out of the woods yet - time for action’, sleeping is still a battle and peaks on the eve of day eight with a bout of sleep paralysis, not very pleasant.
Day 8, the journaling (action) starts so I can track my thoughts, mood, sleep rating and overall well-being, what I want to achieve and something good to note from the day, this will continue for the next 7 days. As the day got on, easing myself back into work, progress is headed North, chatted the last few days through with a confidante, no judgement and genuine support, and that they were also feeling the grip of working from home.
Day 9 is a victorious one, because what I felt last week had dissipated and is a distant memory, and I even managed a decent night’s sleep, it was also day two of long-distance walking and journaling, having a few hours’ sleep to note down as an achievement is a bonus.
The next few days will be about self-care, this to me is about getting back on my own wagon, going outside (in my garden), responding to unanswered messages, reconnecting with people, discipline, stretching and mindful breathing.
If you ever feel that your mental well-being has been compromised, talk to a family member, colleague, support services or even me. It is ok to not be ok and say so, the most crucial step you can take. What got me through those 9 days was knowing I had to admit defeat and being ok with that, talking to my husband and later those close to me, resetting, not thinking, or doing, and just being.
